Jake is a sophomore in college.
He’s talented. Works hard. Shows up early. Stays late. Does everything a good teammate is supposed to do.
There’s just one problem.
He’s not in the lineup.
And it’s starting to weigh on him.
He’s seen the depth chart. He knows where he stands. He watches teammates compete in games, knowing how badly he wants those same opportunities.
He’s frustrated. And understandably so.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. In fact, that competitive drive is something worth developing.
Jake doesn’t want to transfer. He doesn’t want sympathy. And he certainly doesn’t need another reminder to work hard.
He’s already putting in the effort.
What he wants is clarity.
Where do I stand? What can I improve? How can I put myself in a better position to contribute?
Those are important questions. And learning how to ask them is just as valuable as finding the answers.
Because one of the biggest lessons young athletes can learn is that having something important to say and knowing how to communicate it are two different skills.
So what’s Jake’s next move?
Does he approach his coach immediately after a difficult game? Keep his concerns to himself and hope things change? Talk through his frustration with teammates or family?
Or does he take a more intentional approach?
He starts a conversation.
Not to challenge a decision. Not to demand playing time.
But to better understand what he can do next.
The ability to communicate, listen, receive feedback, and respond can create opportunities that extend far beyond the playing field.
Same Question. Different Outcome.
It’s the third inning.
Jake is sitting in the dugout, watching the game unfold. He wants to contribute, and his frustration is beginning to build.
He turns to his coach.
“Coach, what do I have to do to get on the field?”
It’s a fair question.
But is this the right moment to ask it?
His coach is focused on managing the game. His teammates are nearby. And Jake’s emotions may influence how his message is received.
The question itself isn’t the issue.
It’s an opportunity to recognize that when, where, and how we communicate can be just as important as what we say.
Now, let’s change the setting.
Before practice, Jake asks his coach if they can find a few minutes to talk privately.
“Coach, I really want to contribute to this team. I know there are areas where I can continue to improve, and I’d appreciate your feedback. What are two things I can focus on to put myself in a better position to earn opportunities?”
Same athlete. Same competitive drive. Same goal.
A more thoughtful approach.
And here’s an important lesson: Jake may not hear exactly what he hopes to hear.
His coach might identify areas of improvement he hadn’t considered. He might offer a different perspective on Jake’s current role. And that conversation may not immediately lead to more playing time.
But it can lead to something valuable.
Clarity. Direction. Understanding.
Jake now has an opportunity to turn feedback into action.
He’s learning to advocate for himself while remaining open to another person’s perspective.
That’s a skill he’ll use in the classroom, in relationships, throughout his career, and long after his playing days are over.
The goal isn’t to get the answer you want. It’s to develop the confidence to ask, the humility to listen, and the discipline to act on what you learn.
That’s effective communication.
And that’s personal growth.
Remember Three Words: Time. Place. Pace.
You can say almost anything when you understand the right time, place, and pace.
Time: Is this the right moment for the conversation?
Place: Is this an environment where both people can communicate openly?
Pace: Am I approaching this with curiosity and respect, or frustration and emotion?
These three guardrails won’t guarantee Brody a starting spot.
But they give him a better chance of understanding where he stands, what his coach values, and what he can control moving forward.
And sometimes clarity is the first step toward opportunity.
Listen First. Talk Second.
Stephen Covey’s fifth habit is built around a powerful principle:
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
That’s easier said than done.
Most of us listen while preparing our next response.
We want to explain ourselves. Defend ourselves. Make our case.
But effective communicators start by getting curious.
Why does my coach see things differently?
What does my teacher expect?
What does my teammate need from me?
What am I missing?
Listening doesn’t mean you automatically agree. It means you’re willing to understand another perspective before sharing your own.
And that habit can change relationships.
Your Body Is Talking, Too.
Communication isn’t limited to the words coming out of your mouth.
Your eyes, body language, tone, and even your social media activity send messages.
Think about how you respond when things aren’t going your way.
Do you make eye contact when someone is speaking?
Do you roll your eyes when a coach gives feedback?
Are you genuinely listening, or just waiting for your turn to talk?
Before communicating something difficult, try using a simple three-part filter:
Is it true? Is it useful? Is it good?
Not every thought needs to become a comment.
And not every frustration needs an audience.
The goal isn’t to become someone who never speaks up. It’s to become someone whose words carry weight because they’re thoughtful, respectful, and intentional.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable.
Here’s another place athletes can develop communication skills:
The classroom.
Raise your hand.
Ask a question.
Volunteer to speak.
You might be wrong. You might stumble. You might even embarrass yourself a little.
That’s okay.
Growth requires taking some risks.
Stanford lecturer Matt Abrahams teaches that effective speaking isn’t about memorizing the perfect script. It’s about learning to think, listen, and respond in the moment.
His presentation, Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques, offers practical exercises for becoming more confident when speaking spontaneously.
And here’s something worth remembering:
Nobody else knows the script you had in your head.
If you lose your place, keep going. If you stumble, recover.
It’s a conversation, not a performance that requires perfection.
The Postgame Interview Challenge
During our recent session of THE CLASS, we decided to make communication a little more entertaining.
We turned our athletes into professional players.
The assignment?
Answer questions in a mock postgame press conference.
Some questions were easy. Others required athletes to think on their feet.
Imagine being asked:
“You went 0-for-4 today. What wasn’t working at the plate?”
Or:
“You’ve spent most of the season on the bench. Are you frustrated with your role?”
There’s a difference between responding emotionally and responding thoughtfully.
We challenged athletes to maintain eye contact, listen to the entire question, organize their thoughts, and respond with confidence.
Not because every athlete is destined for ESPN.
But because someday they’ll have a job interview, a difficult conversation, a college presentation, or a leadership opportunity.
The microphone may change. The skill doesn’t.
And speaking of interviews, sometimes even the best quarterbacks have to deal with a ridiculous question.
For a good laugh, watch Ron Burgundy interview Peyton Manning on SportsCenter.
It’s hilarious, but there’s a useful lesson underneath the comedy: Peyton stays composed, listens, adapts, and handles the unexpected without losing his personality.
That’s a pretty good communication rep.
This Week’s Challenge: Have the Conversation.
You don’t need a microphone, an audience, or a starting position to develop this skill.
Start with one meaningful conversation.
Maybe it’s with your coach about playing time.
Your teacher about a grade.
Your parents about expectations.
Or a teammate about something that’s been bothering you.
Before you begin:
Choose the right Time, Place, and Pace.
Write out the first two sentences you want to say.
Ask a question that invites honest feedback.
Listen without interrupting.
Identify one action you can take moving forward.
Then practice speaking about something unfamiliar for 30 seconds without stopping.
The goal isn’t perfection.
The goal is progress.
Become an Elevator.
At THE CLASS, we challenge athletes to develop skills that make them better competitors and better people.
Communication is one of those skills.
Use your eyes to show you’re listening.
Let your body language support your message.
Choose words that are true, useful, and good.
And whenever possible, be an elevator. Lift people up rather than tear them down.
Because someday, the season ends. The uniform comes off. The depth chart disappears.
But the ability to connect with people, advocate for yourself, and navigate difficult conversations?
That stays with you.
And for Brody, the next opportunity might begin with six simple words:
“Coach, can I ask you something?”
About THE CLASS
THE CLASS is a free, 10-week virtual learning experience designed to prepare young people for success in sports, school, and life.
Our approach combines three essential areas of development:
Life Skills: Communication, relationships, leadership, and personal responsibility.
Mental Skills: Confidence, concentration, preparation, and resilience.
College Preparation: Developing the habits, independence, and awareness needed for what’s next.
Each week, we bring together experienced teachers, coaches, and guest speakers to give students practical tools they can use immediately.
Join us every Wednesday for a FREE virtual experience where athletes learn practical life skills, mental performance strategies, and tools to prepare for college and beyond.
When: Wednesdays at 6:00 PM Pacific
Where: Online via Zoom
Cost: 100% FREE
Who: Athletes, students, parents, and coaches are all welcome!
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/85644389445
See you in class!
Josh Hammer